Long Road

The recovery process for a broken leg is not a pleasant one. It's similar to the grieving process- Denial (it's not broken, it's just dislocated), Anger (HOW THE F COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! THIS IS ALL _________'S FAULT! I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!), Bargaining (I've done everything the physical therapist said so getting back into roller derby should be a breeze.), Depression (Around week 6 I lost it- I thought my life was over, I thought that the road that I was on, the one I had JUST discovered was gone from me forever. Still I look at other people's ankles and burst into tears.), Acceptance (I BROKE my leg in 3 place and dislocated my foot - THAT IS A BIG DEAL! That is going to take hard work, dedication, and perseverance to recover from. If I want to get back into the roller derby life style I am going to have to fight for it!)
Its been almost 8 months since I broke my leg. I have a plate and 9 screws on the left side of my left leg and 2 long support screws on the right side. I did major damage to my body. The nerves are still fighting to come alive, there are still days when I wake up in the morning and feel useless. But... I keep working towards goals.
Goal 1: Keep wiggling the toes.
Goal 2: Bend foot straight up in the air.
Goal 3: Walking.
Goal 4: Ankle rotation.
Goal 5: Turning ankle within 2 degrees of the right legs mobility.
Goal 6: SKATE!
Goal 7: Don't be afraid to fall.
Goal 8: SPEAK UP!
Goal 9: Pass WFTDA!!
Goal 10: Be in a bout! <---- October 1st is our last bout of the season and hopefully our first double-header; I WANT IN! I want it so bad I can taste it!
Roller derby HURTS! Roller derby is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Roller derby is the most wonderful thing I have ever done in my life. Roller derby has provided me with the most confidence I have ever felt for myself PERIOD! When I can't sleep at night I think about the things that I need to master to be a better rollergirl. When I go to bed at night I fantasize about my roller derby "career".
The recovery process is a long, hard, scary road. However, breaking my leg has allowed me to appreciate what roller derby is, what it means to me, and my teammates. I <3 roller derby! I <3 ROCK! I<3 my scars!

The Wall

So the recovery process for this injury sucks. I broke my leg 3 weeks ago, have had surgery to insert a plate and 9 screws on one side and 2 longer screws on the other side, spent 2 nights in the hospital, fought aspiration pneumonia, begged my doctor to let me go back to work a week early, had 30 staples removed, and then hit the wall.
What's "the wall" Jes? It's where you believe that you're invincible and then suddenly hit rock bottom- you believe the world as you know it has ended. I attended a roller derby practice because I missed my girls, I missed the game, I missed the smell of the rink, but as I'm sitting there watching people practice the game that I love I felt myself becoming jealous, becoming upset, and not having a good reason for it. I burst into tears at home one night because I don't know the process of my recovery.
The one thing I know is that I'm not baring weight for 4 weeks and I'm now using a thera-band to work on stretching some of the muscles in my ankle. This is what has proven to me that this is not a "little injury", that I won't be back in the rink any time soon, and that being injured isn't cool. Even when I start to bare weight it'll be minute and with crutches. GAH! Crutches! I'm so sick of them - you can't go anywhere, you don't feel free.

Having a day (like today) where I don't do anything but my home PT (leg lifts, the thera-band, crunches, and utilizing hand weights), watch movies, and tool around on the internet makes me feel so much better. I need to relax because I don't. I need to get over this hump because being miserable doesn't help the healing process. I need to be pushed, I need to laugh, I need the support of the people that care about me (not that I don't have that - I have an amazing family and friends that have put up with a lot while dealing with this).
Getting through the wall is not something a person can do on their own the first time. Its stressful, difficult, and lonely. It's essentially a state of depression. Not something to be trifled with. Not something to joke about. Something to test your endurance. Right now... I'm failing.

Mad Skills

I love roller derby. I love the rush you get when you prevent someone from getting past you and when you take someone out. I do NOT, however, love my broken leg.

Last night at practice we ran a drill and it went exactly the way it was supposed to... until 3 of us were in a pile up and I realized my foot was on backwards. I banged on the floor, screamed, and then succumbed to what had happened to me. Throwing a fit wasn't going to fix my ankle - I have health insurance (not great health insurance, but it's better than nothing) and I can muster up a good attitude to go along side it; so that's what I did.

When the paramedics showed up the girls voiced my plea not to cut off my skate - I JUST got them, last thing I wanted was to have to go through the process of getting skates all over again. Thankfully the paramedics obliged and once the skate came off my ankle popped back in place.

But the damage was done. I have a broken fibula and ankle. I'll have surgery in a couple of days to have a plate and screws inserted.

I will do EVERYTHING that the doctors tell me so that I can get back on the track ASAP.

A little injury isn't keeping me away from derby - I love it way too much!

The Most Beautiful Gift

I just celebrated my 25th birthday and must say it has to have been the best birthday ever. I got together with friends and partied the night away in a unique fashion, I spent quality time with family, and I re-connected with my husband -- it was wonderful. Everyone likes to receive gifts; some prefer the material, others like when their gifts have meaning- I am the later and I was given the most beautiful gift!

Recently I shared a portion of my testimony at my church (Catalyst Christian Church) discussing how my wedding didn't go according to plan because my family is "alternative" and how I had to let go of the hurt that left on my heart. Well, I must tell you, I go to an AMAZING church, with AMAZING people, with an AMAZING spirit, that serve an AMAZING God! One of the members there approached my minister and requested that we have a "re-wedding" where the things that didn't go the right way DO go the right way! Some how these people and my family have managed to sit on this for close to 2 months, planning and processing and scheming. Naturally I cried.

I am so blessed. I am so honored. I am so amazed. I am so grateful. I am so hopeful. I am so shocked....

THANK YOU! Thank you! Thank You!

You will never understand what this truly means to me and to my family! THANK YOU!

A Lot Has Gone On

It's been a really long time since I've blogged and a healthy combination between a lot and a little has gone on.
First, Max is healthy! He no longer has glaucoma and came away from his ailment with only mild retina scars. None of his vets know what triggered his condition, but all say he is very lucky to have come out of this situation with his sight. He is as happy as ever and continues to smile and play as though nothing ever happened.
Brier, our mix puppy we adopted in December, is getting really big. She's 10 months old and taller than Max. She's super intelligent and loves to be outside. The only thing we're still trying to break her of is her infatuation with chewing. It's one thing when she chews her toys (that's cool, chew your toys), but it's another thing all together when it's our hands - we like our hands and prefer when our fingers remain on them rather than in her belly. We're hoping it's just a "puppy thing" and that she'll grow out of it soon.
Scott is a vegetarian now. He's been on this diet for almost 8 months now and is loving it! He says he feels great and that he's not really missing anything (except for bacon, occasionally). I am on a 70/30 vegetarian diet. Who knows, maybe by the end of the year I'll be a vegetarian too.
Scott also has dreadlocks. I locked his hair during our vacation in April, it took 16 hours! I still think he owes me stuff for that labor of love! When I completed the locking process my hands and arms went completely numb! I don't know how the professional dreadlockers of South Carolina do it.
As a couple we've gotten involved in a lot of missions and feel compelled to serve in other countries. Scott will be going to Santiago, Chile, South America in December and is still trying to finish raising funds. We're both praying that an opportunity will open up so that we can go to Africa in the next year or so. And word on the street is our church will be going to Jamaica next year. These trips will be a lot of things and we hope that we're open to the experience - ready just isn't the right word.
Well that's enough informing for now.
Until next time. :)

Rough Spot

This is Max. He holds a very large part of my heart and is embedded on my soul. He's a gordon-setter/flat-coat retriever and he's almost 5 years old. I adopted him almost 4 years ago from The Woodford Co. Humane Society and he has changed my life. Max brightens my day, he calms my spirit, and he's full of unique wisdom.

Last week we found out that our baby is sick. What we do know is that he has secondary glaucoma, but at this point that's almost the under-current. Max has been in and out of vet's offices, he was taken to Louisville to see a specialist, and he's on 5 different medications. What we don't know is what caused the glaucoma. He tested negative for the infectious disease (praise God!). There are still a slew of blood tests, x-rays, and urine tests that can be done in order to determine what could be wrong.

The good news is Max is still in good spirits, he's still loving on everyone, and he's just as frisky as ever. The bad news is he's on a lot of meds that go in his eye which is annoying, I'm sure that he's in some kind of pain, and he's not really into playing with Brier because they normally play rough.

To top it off all of this has been pretty expensive and we are not wealthy people. Which is an added stress in the midst of this whole situation. We'd do anything for Max. I'd give him my eyes if I could. But all this takes money and it just doesn't grow on trees. I have a very supportive family and am so thankful for all their kind words and help!

Pray for our Max. Pray for us.

Happy Birthday Kaelyn!

Happy Birthday to a very pretty, pretty princess! I love you my darling niece!