The Wall

So the recovery process for this injury sucks. I broke my leg 3 weeks ago, have had surgery to insert a plate and 9 screws on one side and 2 longer screws on the other side, spent 2 nights in the hospital, fought aspiration pneumonia, begged my doctor to let me go back to work a week early, had 30 staples removed, and then hit the wall.
What's "the wall" Jes? It's where you believe that you're invincible and then suddenly hit rock bottom- you believe the world as you know it has ended. I attended a roller derby practice because I missed my girls, I missed the game, I missed the smell of the rink, but as I'm sitting there watching people practice the game that I love I felt myself becoming jealous, becoming upset, and not having a good reason for it. I burst into tears at home one night because I don't know the process of my recovery.
The one thing I know is that I'm not baring weight for 4 weeks and I'm now using a thera-band to work on stretching some of the muscles in my ankle. This is what has proven to me that this is not a "little injury", that I won't be back in the rink any time soon, and that being injured isn't cool. Even when I start to bare weight it'll be minute and with crutches. GAH! Crutches! I'm so sick of them - you can't go anywhere, you don't feel free.

Having a day (like today) where I don't do anything but my home PT (leg lifts, the thera-band, crunches, and utilizing hand weights), watch movies, and tool around on the internet makes me feel so much better. I need to relax because I don't. I need to get over this hump because being miserable doesn't help the healing process. I need to be pushed, I need to laugh, I need the support of the people that care about me (not that I don't have that - I have an amazing family and friends that have put up with a lot while dealing with this).
Getting through the wall is not something a person can do on their own the first time. Its stressful, difficult, and lonely. It's essentially a state of depression. Not something to be trifled with. Not something to joke about. Something to test your endurance. Right now... I'm failing.